Col. O'Neill: Jaffa jokes? Let's hear one of them.

Teal'c: I shall attempt to translate one, O'Neill. A serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's... nose drips.

[Teal'c bursts into loud laughter. Everyone else stares.]

Col. O'Neill: All right, I gotta know.

Dr. Jackson: Yes, I'm about to activate it.

Col. O'Neill: No, no, no, not that. What the hell does "kree" mean?

Dr. Jackson: Well, actually it means a lot of things. Loosely translated it means "attention", "listen up", "concentrate"…

Col. O'Neill: "Yoo-hoo?"

Dr. Jackson: Yes, in a manner of speaking.

Maj. Carter: The probe indicates a sustainable atmosphere. Temperature 78 degrees Fahrenheit. Barometric pressure is normal.

Dr. Jackson: No obvious signs of civilization.

Maj. Carter: P4X-884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.

Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.

Col. O'Neill: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.

Dr.Jackson: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.

Col. O'Neill: Never run with…scissors?

Maj. Carter: Normally neutrinos pass right through ordinary matter, no matter how dense. I mean, something like five hundred million billion just passed through you.

Col. O'Neill: No matter how dense?

---

(later)

Col. O'Neill: Hey. If you'd been listening, you'd know that Nintendos pass through everything. Everything.

Crystal Skull Season 3 Episode 21

Dr. Jackson: You know, I've never been on a stakeout before. Shouldn't we have donuts or something?

But am I... am I normal? I have strength. I can kill with my bare hands. I bleed red, but the pain always goes away quickly. Sometimes I see things in my head that never happened. I am a cyborg. I'll never be useful as anything else.